finding something
by Prota
Summary: a man who has grown tired of everything taking care of kids who deserve better. when you're a mess, life can put itself back together in the strangest of ways. [modern au] [rating might go up]
1. Chapter 1

His alarm rang, despite stirring from consciousness and recognising the tone he allowed himself to fall back asleep. There was no other sound in the house, as he was the only one in there and only the fridge's humming disrupted the silence. Five minutes later his phone went off again, this time there was an angered yell from next door, the thin walls of his apartment were banged upon. He released a heavy sigh and he finally bothered to get himself to sit up.

He was tired and still in the clothes he wore last night when he crashed on the couch. The meal he hadn't finished eating left a strong and disgusting scent in the air, yet he seemed unaffected. More so, he was used to it. Still he stood up, slipping off his clothes as he made his way to the bathroom adding to the piles of dirty clothes scattered about.

As he removed his glasses to get in the shower, his gaze lingered on the dusty mirror for no longer than a second. A slight hiss released from his mouth, the water beating down on him was chillingly cold. He couldn't bring himself to care anymore and cleaned himself quickly. To him it felt like a chore, but he knew it was a necessary part of going into the outside world.

He stepped out of the shower and decided to ignore the slow dripping water from the showerhead that just wouldn't stop. Once he dried his body he shook his head like a wet dog, unwilling to apply the effort to dry it properly. He pulled his work clothes out of the laundry hamper and gave them a sniff, he really should have washed them but he hadn't. They've smelled worse before he figured as he got dressed anyway. He was already going to be late so he skipped out on eating and went right to brushing his teeth. Time and energy went into squeezing out a dab of toothpaste decent enough to be used. He put on his glasses with his free hand, the one occupied with scrubbing his teeth quickly felt heavy.

The screaming arguments above him and incessant meowing from his neighbour's room are familiar sounds so he simply blocked them out. Nothing made him feel engaged, nothing made him feel anything. Akashi Kuniyuki was a lot of nothing. He'd be the first one to describe himself as a waste of space. He didn't see it as an insult but an honest observation.

Doing nothing, thinking about nothing and being nothing were the closest things he could think of as goals in life. He was an adult man living on his own, he didn't involve himself with others so he had no friends or lover and barely even kept in contact with his parents. Sure enough, it's a miserable sounding life, he knew that but couldn't bring himself to care. He had no aspirations or motivation to try change his life and wasn't the type to try suicide, so he had resigned himself to living as simple a life as he could until his time was up.

When he exits his apartment, his gaze remains on the ground. Pretending he doesn't see the limping woman or the man with a stained knife. He pretended to not smell the death and despair, or maybe he was just used to that too. A nothing like him living in such a dead-end apartment complex just made sense and the rent was low enough he didn't have to exert much effort to meet it.

The walk to his workplace, an unremarkable convenience store, blurred right past. He walked the path often enough he didn't have to put in any thought towards the way there. He finally entered the store, the soft bell rang out behind him and alerted his co-worker of his presence.

"Still alive then, Akashi? You look like a walking dead man." The golden gaze locked in on him held concern despite his words being teasing.

"Sorry." Akashi replied on instinct, a lazy unapologetic smile spreading across his face out of habit.

Akashi joined him behind the counter and clipped on his name tag. Nikkari Aoe was a man like himself in being low in society, but his green haired co-worker was fundamentally different, as he had not given up. His eyes still had fight in them, he still made something of himself in volunteer work and not being put down by the shunning of others. He couldn't be bothered feeling anything resembling envy towards him though.

The work night passes slowly. Regular customers, some with friends or simply on their own. They buy what they want and move along with no problem. They're never especially busy, but getting enough customers to prevent Akashi to fall asleep where he's standing. Not enough to keep Nikkari busy from trying to chat with him some more, it was always just meaningless conversation to pass the time anyway. As they shared no interests it was usually a very one sided talk about Nikkari's paranormal investigations or whatever person had caught his eye lately.

That was another difference between them, it was only something small but Nikkari had interests. He still had something to fill his time with, he wasn't like Akashi who was simply living. Maybe once or twice he wondered what it was like to feel passionate about something. He didn't like to dwell on the past, so he didn't think back on anything to find an answer either. When time came for their shift to end and the new workers to switch out with them, they finally parted ways.

That endless blur of passing time is what made up his life. By this point, he was well indifferent to it. He never even considered the possibility that it would ever change.

His walk home was no different to usual, his limbs felt heavy after expending energy he really didn't have. Loosely hanging off his fingertips was a plastic bag containing the onigiri that didn't sell. It was still dark out despite the early hour, he relied on the dim street lights and his familiarity with the path to get him back to the apartment. He wasn't afraid of getting lost, just getting involved with something unnecessary.

But when he stepped inside the building, gliding past like usual to reach his apartment for once he stopped. The static of nothing that usually buzzed on his mind was interrupted by a grumbling stomach that wasn't his own. He glanced down, grey eyes meeting tired green. They belonged to a child, he knew the child by appearance alone. For one, he was one of the only children in the building, and he was certainly the only one with white hair. His face was slightly red, likely from his stomach being enough to stop Akashi. He shouldn't have stopped, shouldn't have cared, but he did. Maybe it's because they were filled with life, something he wasn't used to seeing. It was strange, and caused him to stare. When he noticed that he was making the kid nervous he looked forward and dropped the plastic bag next to him.

"I was dragged out to eat with a co-worker, these would just be wasted on me." Akashi drawled on.

He heard the kid gasp slightly, and could feel his gaze on him. The last thing he expected to hear was a quiet thank you, although he pretended not to notice. It was easier that way. He scratched the back of his neck with a free hand as he stared ahead.

There was hesitation, but the kid opened the bag and tore open the onigiri, taking a hungry bite into it. Akashi was about to continue walking but halted due to the increase of sound in the room behind the kid. A woman yelling angrily, a man's deep voice rising in frustration. The man's voice was demanding payment, the woman was insisting this wasn't what they had agreed upon. An uncomfortable feeling found itself clawing at Akashi's senses.

"Why aren't you in your room now? It's late." Akashi asked with a sigh.

He finally bothered to look back down at the kid, he was too busy making sure to consume every single grain of rice to look up. He did however slow down to give an answer.

"My mum said she had business with the man she came home with. I had to leave so I'd stay out of the way." He spoke simply.

"Ah! But if I can keep awake I'm sure she'll let me back in when the man leaves." The kid added quickly, looking up at Akashi.

The trust in those eyes, the hope and optimism. All things that really didn't belong in this place. He adjusted his glasses and glanced past the kid at the door he was seated against. As much as he tried to block it out, the arguing was just getting more concerning.

"I… can make the money. My kid he's young and healthy. Good looking enough too, you've seen the pictures, right?"

"Human trafficking isn't our thing…"

Akashi could have sworn everything was running in slow motion. This was far from blending in to the background and avoiding conflict. The cold rush that overtook his body made him want to freeze up and never move again, he didn't want to deal with something like this. He wanted to unhear it. But he knew he couldn't.

He crouched down suddenly startling the boy slightly, he couldn't even imagine what kind of expression had taken over his face.

"Listen kid, I don't know how close you're listening but if you stay here odds are things won't go well for you. I won't be able to sleep if I ignore something like this, so you can hide out in my place for now got it?" He spoke with more anxiety than he would have guessed.

The kid looked back at the door, listening to his mother trying to convince a strange man to take him away. Akashi could only hope he understand the urgency of the situation. As though making up his mind, the kid stood up tightly gripping the now empty plastic bag. Akashi noted how his hands were shaking. He stood up himself, muttering that his apartment was the one across the hall. The kid hurried forward first, he wasn't wearing shoes so made little noise as they travelled across the hall but Akashi still felt full of anxiety. He walked behind the kid, hoping if the door would open his figure would be enough to temporarily hide him.

At his door, the kid looked up at him. His expression gave the impression he was trying to keep a straight face, but Akashi could easily see the sadness on it now. He wordlessly removed the key from his pocket and unlocked the door, ushering the kid in instantly. From the other side of the door Akashi hears a door opening, he now notices the arguing and discussions had stopped. Every muscle in his body felt tense as he stared at the ground as he entered his apartment, shutting the door behind himself quickly.

He let out a heavy breath he hadn't realise he had begun holding in and rested his forehead against the door. What was he getting himself into? He couldn't help but question it yet again. He didn't usually act on these instincts, was his lack of sleep finally catching up to him?

He slowly locked the door and turned around, only now realising the light was on. The kid was peering around at the mess with a scrunched-up face.

"Hey Mr. Glasses, it stinks in here." The kid said in a whisper.

Akashi found himself sighing again as he walked past to his room and opened the door. It was a bit musty due to never being aired out, but it was considerably better than the main room/kitchen combination they were currently.

"You can sleep in here Kid. The door locks from the inside. Do what you want otherwise, just make sure not to wake me. I'm way too exhausted." Akashi told him. Speaking softly himself. The walls were thin but not enough there was absolutely no privacy if you were careful.

The kid was hesitant, but as he watched Akashi take off his glasses and settle himself on the couch his own exhaustion seemed to win over. He walked shakily to the bedroom but paused, looking back even though Akashi's eyes were closed.

"I know how things seem, but my mum isn't a bad person. She's just doing what she thinks is best." The kid waited, but Akashi didn't move to respond.

"And my name isn't kid. It's Hotarumaru."

With that, Akashi heard the door shut softly. Even with his eyes closed he could recognize the waver in his voice. The kid, Hotarumaru, was doing his best to keep it together.

He's too calm and strong for a kid, too forgiving and trusting. It stressed Akashi out as he finally did drift off to sleep he hoped it was just a stupid dream. A nothing had no business getting involved with such a hopeful kid.


	2. Chapter 2

Sleep didn't last long enough, well before Kuniyuki's alarm was set to go off, the violet haired man was brought back into the world of the living and conscious. As he sat up and slipped his glasses into place his senses awakened enough to be able to comprehend the words being spoken to him.

"Really Mr. Glasses, I thought you'd never wake up. I gathered up the mess best I could but figured I should wake you before taking it out." Hotarumaru said although Kuniyuki didn't react.

Hotarumaru was the kid from last night. The kid who looked so sad but hopeful. It wasn't a dream. He resisted the urge to groan in annoyance with himself when he realised Hotarumaru was speaking to him again.

"Are you really awake? Oi-" Boldly, the kid pulled at Kuniyuki's cheeks and certainly managed to gather his attention.

Managing to look only slightly irritated Kuniyuki removed his hands, "Yeah I am. Demanding kids aren't cute y'know." He scolded.

Remembering why Hotarumaru woke him in the first place, he looked around the room and tried to not let his mouth drop in the surprise of seeing the place tidied up. When he looked back at the kid, Hotarumaru seemed a bit embarrassed.

"I didn't look through your stuff okay, I just wanted to clean up the mess as thanks." Hotarumaru said softly, his gaze was firmly locked onto the ground. After a beat, "Also, it really stunk." He added.

Kuniyuki resisted the urge to laugh as he finally got up on his feet, "It did." He agrees easily, Hotarumaru seems to relax and looks up at him. Kuniyuki considers him lucky since despite the mess there hadn't been anything lying around that would truly be shameful for a kid to clean up.

"But you've done enough. I'll take out the rubbish… And stay here for now. I'll tell you if the coast is clear for you to leave. Try not to mind the smell in the meantime." Kuniyuki did his best to give him a reassuring smile, he didn't feel like it would work but Hotarumaru smiled back at him anyway. It was a forced smile, he could tell Hotarumaru was still uneasy but didn't voice it. He didn't know how to feel about that.

Ignoring the way his exhaustion screamed at him to forget the rubbish, ignore the kid and go back to sleep, he gathered as many bags as he could and moved to the end of the hall garbage chute. The building looked more disgusting in the bleak daylight, but there was less chance of bumping into anyone during the day. Like him, most of the scum who lived there were nocturnal.

He halted in his steps when he ended up in front of Hotarumaru's apartment. A heavy and uncomfortable weight added to the strain his body already felt as he lent against the door. He did his best to try pick out any sounds from inside. After what felt like a few minutes he determined he didn't hear a thing. He bit into his bottom lip while shakily raising a hand to the doorknob, his heart was beating annoyingly loud but all it took was a slight twist to reveal it was unlocked. He was a coward, so when he swung the door open as carefully as he could, his eyes were tightly held shut.

A quick breath escaped him as he let his eyes open, the sight that greeted him wasn't as obvious as he was expecting. There was nothing, no trace of conflict, it barely even looked lived in. It was certainly cleaner than the efforts of one grade school kid could ever make it. He felt cold and a lump of something threatened to rise in his throat but he swallowed it back down. Ignoring his feelings was easy at this point, so he blocked out any remaining thoughts or assumptions when he started searching the apartment.

There wasn't a lot so he was able to quickly enough find clothes small enough they could only belong to Hotarumaru. Mechanically, he left the room and returned to his own appartment, lazy smile sliding back into place to greet a slightly alarmed Hotarumaru.

"You were taking a while Mr. Glasses I was worried you fell asleep on the way… Are those my clothes?" Hotarumaru asked, the confusion was clear on his face.

Kuniyuki sighed while dropping the clothes onto the couch, he resisted the urge to curl up on it himself. It was a pain, children were a pain, staying awake was a pain. Why was he doing this again?

"Let's drop the 'Mr. Glasses' thing, Kuniyuki is fine. You can clean up and change now, I'll be finishing up with the trash. When I'm back we can talk about your options now." He told the other. Hotarumaru looked like he wanted to say something so Kuniyuki quickly continued, "Don't worry~ I won't fall asleep again."

Ending the conversation, he picked up the remaining trash bags and let himself out, it didn't matter so much if Hotarumaru took him up on his offer but it would be nice to get back and see the kid could still function normally. He wouldn't know what to do if he needed any more support than what he was giving.

He disposed of the garbage and made his way out of the building after a moments consideration. It would end up just being a pain if he returned and Hotarumaru had left but on the odd chance he stayed put it would only be fair to give him something to eat. Kuniyuki still wouldn't call himself a good person, Hotarumaru was just a mess he had gotten involved with due to sleep deprivation. Still, he wasn't about to just abandon him now. He was just taking responsibility for giving the kid some hope. That's all. He'd have to keep telling himself that.

Stirred from his thoughts by the jingle of a bell he realised he had let his feet take him to the store he worked at. He inwardly cursed himself for it but decided it would still work.

"You're not on today are you?" One of the workers behind the counter asked confused. Kuniyuki wracked his brain for a name but couldn't come up with one, neither the girl or the teenage boy worked nightshifts so he had long since disregarded the information.

"Not until tonight, sorry. Just here as a customer." He answered with a smile, making his way to the instant ramen aisle. It was his own fault for showing up still in his work clothes but it was still tiring, he'd had more social interaction in one day then he was used to getting in a week.

Probably not appropriate for breakfast but options were limited with budget, options and cooking ability in mind. He reasoned the kid couldn't eat a big meal anyway. He purchased a couple, thanking his server and leaving. He really wouldn't be able to get used to this. It wasn't just the apartment, everything was brighter and clearer during the day. There were more people, more sounds…. He didn't like that kind of atmosphere.

Kuniyuki kept his head down and thanked the heavens for no interruptions on the way back to his apartment.

Hotarumaru greeted him with a loud cheer, a neighbour banged because of the noise and Hotarumaru ducked his head slightly in apology. Kuniyuki resist the urge to sigh as he brought the noodles over to the kitchen doing his best to ignore the curious look Hotarumaru was giving him.

Hotarumaru seemed to work up the courage to approach as Kuniyuki filled two cups with the freshly boiled water. He didn't feel like eating himself but knew it had been long enough since that he had to make himself do it. Collapsing from exhaustion would really be a pain, especially with a kid around.

Kuniyuki rolled his eyes at Hotarumaru's timidness, "Don't like ramen? I didn't know I was going to have any guests so that's all I've got to offer." He told him. He spoke pretending they both didn't know he went out of his way to get food.

As Kuniyuki took his own cup to sit at the couch he was surprised to see Hotarumaru do the same and sit beside him. He didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that the kid seemed to be getting comfortable around him already.

He peeled back the lid and stared down at his lazy meal, resisting the urge to get annoyed with himself again as the steam fogged up his glasses.

"Here." The soft but chipper voice surprised Kuniyuki again as Hotarumaru held out chopsticks to him. He hadn't even noticed he forgot to bring over any.

"… Thanks." He responded after only a moment of hesitation. The bright smile Hotarumaru gave to him made him feel some strange feeling he couldn't name since he hadn't felt it in so long.

"No, I should be thanking you. For the food now and last night, for the place to sleep. At first, I thought you might be some kind of creep. But you're actually really nice Kuniyuki." Hotarumaru said and Kuniyuki choked on the noodles he had been eating.

He was staring at Hotarumaru like he'd grown a second head before laughing slightly, "You're a weird kid Hotarumaru. I really could be a creep. Don't trust people so easily." He warned but felt his lips twitching upward.

To his surprise, Hotarumaru laughed at him as well. "Nah, you're definitely a lazy slob but you're not a bad guy."

Kuniyuki shook his head and continued eating, Hotarumaru dug into his own cup with gusto. He wondered how long it had been since he had been greeted or eaten with someone. He wonders if Hotarumaru had ever experienced this before. When he realised what he was feeling was happy he decided to distract himself from those thoughts by trying to slurp down his noodles just as quickly as Hotarumaru who welcomed the challenge.

All too quickly the ramen was finished and both boys regretted eating so quickly. He felt it was unfair just when the albino had brightened up, but Kuniyuki knew he had to ask some questions to figure out what happens next.

"I need to know what to do with you. You don't have any other relatives or a friend you can stay with?" Kuniyuki asked, if the conversation didn't need to happen he would have happily let sleep take him. Work in so many hours was going to be hell.

He noticed Hotarumaru go quiet, when he looked at him the kid had a surprisingly blank face.

"Mum is my only family. I have a friend but I couldn't trouble him like that." He answered, his voice far too level and calm.

"But you're okay with troubling me." Kuniyuki teased with a shake of his head and to his relief it snapped Hotarumaru out of it.

"But you offered first! It's really different." He insisted, Kuniyuki only smirked in amusement with a non-committal 'sure' muttered in faux agreement.

Hotarumaru finally picking up it was a joke pouted at him rather moodily. He'd never really thought about kids but Kuniyuki decided this one was pretty cute. In the back of his mind, he realised no matter who he went to the situation would sound bad and it would be hard to get Hotarumaru some help. Kuniyuki also quickly realised he didn't have anyone to go to since he did his best to live in isolation.

"Nowhere to stay and no options to go. Got it, crash here as long as you need." Kuniyuki supplied, bringing them back on topic again.

Hotarumaru was the one staring in disbelief this time, he began to bubble up with complaints but Kuniyuki waved him off.

"I said for as long as you need. If you have somewhere to go instead, then feel free to do so. Besides, you wouldn't be staying here for free. Keep going with the housekeeping since I'm such a lazy slob."

Hotarumaru just laughed, he laughed and tears pricked the corner of his eyes. Kuniyuki watched him uncomfortably, both not understanding and entirely unaware of what to do. But Hotarumaru settled down quickly enough and thanked him, crushing his torso in a surprisingly strong hug. Kuniyuki killed off his feelings, he didn't need to remember anything now, he didn't need to question what he was doing or why such a pure kid shouldn't be believing in him so strongly. In one of the most awkward movements he's ever done he gave Hotarumaru a soft pat on the head.


	3. Chapter 3

The time that followed was jarring for Akashi as he hung around with Hotarumaru, listening to the kid ramble on and try to get to know him.

"Where do you work?"

"Somewhere."

"How old are you?"

"Older than you."

"What made you move out here?"

"I chose to."

"Is purple your favourite colour?"

"I like red, actually."

He got break using the perfectly valid excuse of needing to get some washing done. He started to feel just a little guilty when he realised there was nothing in his apartment for Hotarumaru to do. Then again, when he searched his apartment he hadn't found anything like toys either… He hated himself a little as he decided to start saving up for a tv. Pondering if he at least had some old jump comics to give the kid, he realised it wasn't just entertainment that was expensive, double the food costs, he'd need clothes and probably all sorts of other things as time went on.

Living with someone else, let along taking care of a child was a big deal, was he really about to change his whole lifestyle? … He was. He knew he was.

Akashi didn't stay in the apartment long, he didn't know how to feel about Hotarumaru trailing him around like a baby duck while he searched for the manga to give him and hoping it wasn't among the many things thrown out earlier.

"You can read right…?" Akashi asked him, hesitating handing them over.

Hotarumaru puffed up a bit, "Of course, I learned at school like everyone does." He responded confidently.

Akashi realised he wasn't even sure how old he was, it's hard to tell since he's so small. Maybe he should have been asking questions right back at him.

"Right." Akashi gave him a short answer and handed him the small stack of books. He realised they were old issues and probably not going from one to the next but it was going to have to do for now.

The shining look Hotarumaru gave him was something that increased the guilty feeling weighing on him.

"So, about school, you attend the one around here, right?" Akashi asked. He should be learning stuff about the kid too.

"Yeah! I'm in grade 4." Hotarumaru told him easily. A little older than he would have guessed.

"Means you should be going back to school soon." Akashi said after a moment of thought. More things to spend money on. "Think about stationery you'd need, stuff like that books and pencils. I might have some stuff lying around you can use." He wondered if Hotarumaru could see through his lying already. He was better at lying about some things more than others.

Hotarumaru seemed amused and finally left him be as he made it clear he was going to shower. He didn't feel ready for work but figured he was going to have to change his sleep schedule from now on. Akashi had the feeling he'd grow increasingly more appreciative of the fact his mother managed to raise him basically on her own. He should probably call her back one of these days.

Showering and getting dressed felt as tiring as usual if not more so from having less sleep than usual but he did it anyway. Damn societies basic expectations of cleanliness and being presentable. He cursed a lot of things, but especially anything that made him exert extra effort.

Before he made it out the door, Hotarumaru called out to him and told him "Goodbye!" Akashi didn't know how to respond, he glanced back into the room and nodded at the kid before shutting and locking the door for the first time in a long while.

He decided it was a good idea to grab a can of coffee before he got to work to help him make it through his shift. Making the slight detour to a vending machine that sold any put his nerves on edge but he succeeded in getting to work without being stopped. He almost laughed at himself for his fear of social interaction considering how things were looking now.

"Welcome to the real-world, Dracula~" Nikkari gave a particularly amused greeting to him when Akashi arrived. Being associated with a monster was an improvement to Nikkari asking if he'd had a fun night each time he arrived because of his messy appearance (they worked the nightshifts so it never made any sense).

"Good to be here." Akashi said, grinning lazily despite not sharing his amusement.

"Someone's more undead than usual." Nikkari commented as Akashi walked through the aisles, having a check for anything misplaced by customers. He made that comment every time they worked together though.

"And your hair is extra shiny today." Akashi responded, deflecting came easy to him. The guilt as Nikkari just smiled and said no more was new. Having Hotarumaru around was already making him feel things again apparently, that wasn't pleasant.

For a moment, Akashi considered actually talking to Nikkari about his situation rather than lying, deflecting and burying his feelings. The thought flew out of his mind as quick as it had arrived.

"Your hair does look nice though." Akashi said awkwardly trying to at least salvage the atmosphere between them.

Nikkari batted his eyelashes at him and twirled the tip of his ponytail around his finger. Akashi figured that meant he was forgiven.

Work was as boring and repetitive as usual, the caffeine helped to stop him from almost falling asleep on the spot as he was prone to. Maybe that was what made the hours tick by slower than he was used to.

When he and Nikkari were closing the shop, Akashi surprised Nikkari by initiating conversation.

"Hey… You work a lot of odd jobs, don't you?" Akashi figured to get right to the point. It was intimidating to have Nikkari's golden eye locked in on him.

"Yep, doing all sorts of things. I don't take on long time work like this often to keep my schedule flexible. Why, what's up?" Nikkari asked, he was someone good at controlling his facial expressions so Akashi couldn't help but assume he was rather pointedly not hiding his curiosity.

Akashi supressed a sigh, "The rent was jacked up at my place. Figured it wouldn't hurt to look for more work. If it's not asking too much, you've mentioned you have a lot of references is all…" He wasn't sure why he didn't tell him the truth about the situation. Then he reasoned that human trash like him just aren't suited to be honest anyway. His mind accepted the answer easy enough and he just ignored his conscience.

Nikkari stared at him a while longer before giving him another one of those hard to read smiles, "Sure. I'll email you later about some places still looking. You want something stable, right?" He asked.

Akashi nodded weakly, they'd already saved each other's emails long ago. He vaguely realised Nikkari was probably the closest thing he had to a friend. Maybe if he ever became a decent person he'd try reach out to him and be a decent friend. Of course, he only considered that because he didn't think it was possible. Maybe it would be nice to have friends and a life again. Probably. Or maybe not, that was a strange thought.

They exchanged goodbyes and headed separate ways. The walk back was as uneventful as ever, something he was thankful for since in one day his daily life had been incredibly shaken. In many ways, this small bit of normalcy was a comfort. One he was going to get rid of if he were to get a better job… He only had himself to blame, but it was still a pain. As he made the way up to his apartment and started unlocking the door he paused. If it weren't him, would anyone have stepped in to help Hotarumaru? He opened the door with a heavy sigh as he realised, probably not.

He didn't know what he expected to see, but Hotarumaru laid out on the couch was still a surprising sight. He fought a smile as he noticed one of the manga open on the coffee table next to him. Akashi tried to remember if he told Hotarumaru the bedroom was his, he failed to recall such a conversation and decided it was probably his fault he'd crashed there. Akashi had to mentally debate with himself for a few minutes before finally deciding it was okay to pick Hotarumaru up and carry him to the bed.

He was a little scared by how light the kid was in his arms as he walked him over. He wasn't an expert on how heavy people should be but it didn't feel right. He figured a check-up at the doctors was also something he should set up for him sooner or later. Counting his lucky stars that Hotarumaru didn't stir, he draped the thin blanket over him and left the kid in peace to keep sleeping.

Akashi walked lightly around his apartment, he wasn't hungry but he made his way over to the kitchen anyway. He checked the bin and was relieved to see Hotarumaru had eaten while he was gone… Yeah, he was going to have to take him shopping for proper food tomorrow. He considered eating himself for about half a second before considering the noise of the kettle would probably wake Hotarumaru. He didn't know how heavy a sleeper the kid was but it didn't hurt to play it safe and let him sleep.

While he walked over to the couch he emptied his pockets, plugging in his phone to charge after checking to see no new messages like usual. His wallet had definitely never been very full before, but now he could practically feel it's life draining away as he placed it on the coffee table. His exhausted body screamed out in relief as he finally laid down on the couch, taking his glasses off and placing them aside.

… Responsibility really didn't suit him. He fell asleep soon after.


	4. Chapter 4

You'll understand when you're older is something kids are told a lot. It's an answer Hotarumaru is given towards a lot of things. When he asked his mother why she never held him or when he asked his teachers why they didn't stop the other kids from bullying him. That sort of thing.

Akashi never gave him that answer though. Sometimes he'd change the subject but he'd give him real answers when he did answer him. It was part of what made Hotarumaru so sure he was a good person. He didn't know for sure but he assumed when Akashi changed the subject it was to spare his feelings.

He'd done other things too since taking him in like doctor visits and buying him things. Akashi probably didn't think he'd noticed but he always included food Hotarumaru liked in the shopping and he'd even started to get him toys that caught his eye out on trips with Akashi.

It was all new to Hotarumaru, he had a friend at school that made him happy but having a real home to come home to each day was so… warm.

In return Hotarumaru worked hard keeping the place clean and he cooked when Akashi would let him. Hotarumaru felt confident in saying he was the better cook between them since Akashi mostly bought them take out. He didn't blame him though, even though he took up a new job at some point he was still sleeping most of the day. At the same time Hotarumaru was starting to suspect Akashi was just lazy. He still was sparing time to give Hotarumaru company when he was awake, so it wasn't so bad.

Hotarumaru chalked it to happiness coming in all different forms. Akashi's way was just different to most people's. Since moving in with him Hotarumaru found himself thinking about all sorts of thing, things most kids his age probably wouldn't be thinking about. One thing he was sure about is he was much happier now but it would be kind of embarrassing to try put that sort of thing into words.

"Hey! Earth to Hotarumaru."

Hotarumaru was brought back to reality by the voice of his best and only friend, Aizen Kunitoshi. He was a little younger than him and generally had more energy but they got along great. They did happen to share being unpopular at school and a target of bullying but Hotarumaru felt it really could have been worse.

"Hotarumaru is back on Earth." He responded while smiling sheepishly.

Aizen just sighed at him, "Don't leave a guy hanging like that."

He'd been filling Aizen in over what happened over holidays and how much his life had been changing lately. Specifically, Aizen had asked him if he was okay there. Hotarumaru knew how lucky he was to have someone who cares like him, but the concern wasn't necessary here. He was sure of that now.

It was after school, they were at their secret base. It wasn't much of a secret base, just an area under the bridge to the local park. There was a lot of rubbish littered around from passers-by overhead but no one else seemed to drift there so the two made use of it.

"Yep. I thought about it an it's fine. That place… feels like what a home should feel like I think. I like it there." Hotarumaru finally answered.

Aizen didn't look convinced.

"C'mon, you can't just move in with some old man. How do you know he's not a creep?" Aizen questioned him further.

"He's probably not that old I mean he doesn't have grey hair or anything." Hotaru said while shrugging.

"Hotaru… That doesn't mean anything, you have white hair." Aizen points out slowly.

Hotarumaru blinks.

"Maybe I'm an old-" He started.

"No." Aizen quickly cut him off.

The two sat in silence for a moment before being unable to help laughing at his dumb joke.

"I get where you're coming from but trust me, Kuniyuki's not a creep. Even if he was, he's kind of hopeless so I'm sure I could beat him up." Hotarumaru assured him.

Aizen was from a full, more normal family than Hotarumaru. He was sure he'd been taught a better idea of what stranger danger really was but he felt enough time had passed to make it okay to trust Akashi.

He could probably tell he wasn't going to budge so Aizen shook his head in defeat.

"Fine. I trust your judgement. And your insane strength. But what's the deal with this guy? I get your Mum seems to be out of the picture now but you're not thinking he could be your Dad, are you?" Aizen asked.

Hotarumaru couldn't immediately think up an answer so he just watched Aizen pick up bottles and throw them at the wall. Between them it was something only Aizen did, destroying stuff. To blow off steam Hotarumaru had assumed.

"I… Never thought about that." Hotarumaru finally admitted.

As much as he'd like to ignore it he felt a flicker of hope. All his mother had ever told about his father is that he was a hopeless man and Akashi was the definition of hopeless. He wasn't sure how old Akashi was but he seemed to have lived across the hall for them for about as long as Hotarumaru could remember.

Aizen looked back at him, now a little guilty.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I just." Aizen struggled to say something but Hotarumaru shook his head to cut him off.

"I'm glad I talked to you about it Aizen. Even if he's not I didn't think about it. I'm probably not thinking about a lot of stuff I could. That's why I'm so glad you have my back." Hotarumaru told him earnestly.

"I've got bad news for you if you're relying on me to be the brains between us." Aizen scoffed.

His gaze moved to the entrance of their secret base, probably looking away to try hide the embarrassment on his face from being praised. He'd noticed the sky had started to get darker. Without it needing to be pointed out both boys started to grab their school bags and walked out together.

"Just like I know I can always rely on you, you know I'm always here for you right?" Hotarumaru asked.

Aizen smiled at him brightly, "Yeah." He said it happily.

Hotarumaru did smile back at him but he felt a little disappointed. For a while now he kind of guessed that something was bothering him. His friend mostly acted the same but Aizen seemed different sometimes. But if he wasn't ready to talk yet Hotarumaru would keep waiting. He wanted to believe Aizen would talk to him when he was ready but he couldn't completely ignore the worry he felt for the other.

"You should come over some time." Hotarumaru said, stopping Aizen as they prepared to go separate ways to head to their homes.

"To your place?" Aizen questioned, confused by the sudden suggestion.

It wasn't the sort of thing he could offer before living with his Mum but life with Akashi was different! He was sure the older wouldn't mind.

Hotarumaru nodded, "That way you can judge for yourself if I'm in good hands. Besides we haven't been able to have a sleep over at your place in ages."

He used to spend nights at Aizen's often, they had been great nights too. But all sorts of things changed around his red-haired friend after he lost his mother and Hotarumaru didn't question it. It didn't seem right to since the questions usually made Aizen upset even if it had been around a year now.

"Maybe. If I can get my Dad's permission." Aizen said but couldn't hide the excitement from his face at the idea. He probably missed it too.

"Great." Hotarumaru said happily in response, they could talk more specifically once they had permission.

"See you tomorrow!" Aizen said to him and hurried off first.

Hotarumaru called back to him and went off on his own way.

He'd walked back to the home he shared with Akashi with a bit of a skip in his step. For as long as he remembered he was used to traveling all on his own, so he wasn't scared of the setting sun. The thought of getting back and having missed Akashi who should be getting ready to leave for work right about now was something that could upset him.

Even if the actual school side of things had been tiring he felt the day had been a good day. The last thing he expected to see when he got home was an anxious looking Akashi waiting by the door.

When he saw Hotarumaru he scrambled forward to grab the boy by the shoulders, greatly startling him.

"You're home. When I woke up you weren't the one waking me." Akashi said scanning Hotarumaru up and down. Looking for something?

He closed his eyes and slowly let go of Hotarumaru who had been staring at him in silence, unsure how to react.

"I mean I realised later you were going to school today just… Some warning would have been nice. Like a note saying you had left for school already? I don't even know what school you go to and you weren't back here by the time schools usually let out." Akashi spoke to him, seemingly increasingly embarrassed as he calmed down.

He was looking away from Hotarumaru now. Hotarumaru felt guilty for getting ready and leaving on his own like he was used to, he knew things were not the same now and Akashi was rightly worried. But at the same time, he felt so happy to see how much he cared. It was that awkward kind of kindness again. He resisted the urge to poke fun at the older.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't think of it…. And I was out with a friend until now so I wasn't alone. Sorry." Hotarumaru said hesitantly, he wasn't exactly sure what to say aside from the truth.

It was the first time a grown-up had scolded him out of concern. Sure, sometimes Aizen would but it was different since they were both kids. It was something so simple but Hotarumaru realised how much he liked experience something a normal kid his age would. Before he could do anything to prevent it his eyes were tearing up.

Him responding had made Akashi look over at him again and the sight certainly made Akashi freeze up in greater awkwardness then he must have already been feeling.

"I'm not mad. I just didn't know and that's scary." Akashi admitted. It was probably the most honest he'd ever been with him.

"Because you care about me?" Hotarumaru asked, his eyes were still shining but he felt better about holding back any tears.

Akashi sighed heavily, probably guessing he was being put on the spot in person.

Hotarumaru half expected him to act like that stereotype and add, "It's not like I care about you, idiot!" but he figured that didn't quite suit Akashi's character. The mental image was enough to take the tears that had been starting to well up more a result of laughter rather than sadness now. The actual answer was something just as unexpected.

"Yeah. Even a no-good guardian like me can manage to worry about you." Akashi admitted and ruffled Hotarumaru's hair.

Hotarumaru didn't let himself get distracted by the affection and looked up at him.

"Guardian?" He inquired.

Akashi scratched his neck, "Well… not legally. Not yet. I mean, if you were going to stay here I figured." He stops himself from speaking again.

"Do you not want that?" Akashi asks.

Hotarumaru steps forward, "Would that make you my Dad?" He couldn't really resist asking after earlier. It was still on his mind after all.

Akashi stepped back and probably from the shock of the unexpected question he fell back over the arm of the couch onto it. His glasses slid down his face a bit and his eyes were the widest Hotarumaru had ever seen them.

"Kuniyuki are you alright?" Hotarumaru asked, trying to fight down a fit of giggles from the rare sight. Besides he didn't look hurt so it would probably be okay even if he did laugh at him.

"Where did you get an idea like that?" Akashi asked, deciding to flop onto his back rather than getting up.

Hotarumaru was glad he'd closed his eyes since that way he missed the disappointed expression he couldn't help making.

"I was just asking." Hotarumaru shrugged even though he wouldn't see.

"I'm not old enough or responsible enough for a gig like that." Akashi told him.

"You are a mess. If anything, I should be the Dad." Hotarumaru responded, deciding to make a joke out of it.

Akashi snorted as he finally pulled himself up. Maybe he was still just a little disappointed but the tension his question had brought up was already pretty much gone.

"Does that mean you're a midget rather than a child?" Akashi asked him with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm the world's shortest old man." Hotarumaru said while nodding sagely.

"Oh! Speaking of old men why aren't you at work?" Hotarumaru asked, surprised as he realised the time.

"You…" Akashi grumbled under his breath.

Hotarumaru just shrugged again and finally properly entered the room.

"You're right. I gotta go." Akashi added, he sounded like that was the last thing he wanted to do. Although even if he thought about it really hard Hotarumaru struggled to think of anything that Akashi would want to do.

Akashi got up and went into the bathroom, probably to make sure he was fully ready. He was dressed kind of nice although it wasn't a uniform, Hotarumaru figured that meant his new job was really nice. Akashi kind of ruined formal dress by his hair being messy and failing to bother buttoning all his buttons but he seemed satisfied.

"Was school alright?" Akashi asked suddenly, stopping himself at the door before he left.

Hotarumaru blinked at the unexpected question. It was another one of those normal family things. He really liked living there.

"Yeah!" Hotarumaru answering him so brightly of course Akashi didn't doubt him.

"I don't think I'll be working too late but still, don't wait up. There's food for dinner and do any homework if you have any." Akashi told him. He was facing the door when he spoke though.

"I don't have any homework and no promises." He insisted. Waiting to be able to tell Akashi welcome home was one of his favourite things even if he fell asleep before managing to succeed most nights. This new job's work hours let him succeed sometimes.

Akashi shook his head a final time before opening the door and leaving.

Hotarumaru realised he'd forgotten to ask about having Aizen stay over some time soon. But it could wait. Hotarumaru felt confident that Akashi wasn't going anywhere.


End file.
